**June 4th 2015 I will celebrate 10 years of marriage with my wonderful husband, and I’m excited to share our story here over the next 12 months (I love our story!). Each month I’ll share another post leading up to the big 10th anniversary! I’m calling it “10 in 12,” 10 years of marriage celebrated in the next 12 months! 🙂 **
(Go here to read the first part of our story!)
This post is way overdue, like really overdue! I had every intention of getting it out earlier, but here I am now to share the next chapter in my favorite love story ever…my own. ❤
Let’s pick up the story where I left off: me getting ready to fly to Oklahoma for the first time to visit Blake.
If you remember from my last post, I was tempted to put a lot of weight on this visit. In my mind it was a make or break visit for me. My best friends knew my uncertainties, I had prayed and sought counsel, and was encouraged to go and enjoy getting to know Blake in his normal surroundings. In spite of my feelings, that’s what I went out striving to do. I wanted to enjoy and have fun. I was nervous though. Nervous to see him. Nervous about my feelings. Nervous about it all. Then the plane landed. I made it to Oklahoma. It was go time. 🙂
When I saw Blake, though I was nervous, I was also happy! I was happy and excited to see him! In spite of having some uncertainties, the ease of being with him was still there. It was nice to be around him. I enjoyed his company, and that was a great feeling.
The visit was quite a whirlwind! We started out visiting with some of his family, which was wonderful! I so enjoyed meeting them all and once again felt an ease and comfort. While being around Blake with his family I felt some of the uncertainties lifting and was really thankful for that. I felt more confident in our relationship and confident where we were. At this point, I didn’t feel any pressure but was just enjoying getting to know Blake more and more. The first phase of the trip was great!
Then came the second phase….
We left from family time and headed to his college town where he introduced me to his friends and where he lived. It was during this time that a huge turning point in our relationship occurred. After feeling so good about the time spent with Blake’s family I was confident that our time with his friends was going to be great, and it really was! However, there was one aspect of the meeting that really threw me for a loop.
It was the house he lived in. The college house he lived in with 3 other guys. The college house he lived in with 3 other guys that was more immaculately cleaned and decorated than anything I had ever seen! I’m talking beautiful art on the wall, awesome lighting, and just a really neat and put together space.
It freaked me out, a lot.
My college apartment consisted of some posters and lots of, well, messes. Seeing Blake’s house pointed out that there were some areas that we were really, really different. After the shock of the immaculate house wore off I started noticing more differences between us, and then things that were making me uncertain before were coming back to mind. I kept thinking about the ways that we were different and had this nagging wonder of how this relationship could work. But, instead of talking to him about it right away I just kept dwelling and thinking about it. And then little things started driving me a little crazy, like when he would call me “honey.” (It reminded me of my dad!)
I was getting too uncomfortable with things and I knew we needed to have a conversation. I knew I needed to share my thoughts and feelings with him, so on a drive one night I just laid it all out. I shared my concerns about the differences I saw in us, and I shared my thoughts and fears. And Blake’s response was basically….
He wasn’t freaked out by my concerns. He didn’t get nervous at all. He was just so calm and pointed out that being different (even very different in my mind) was not necessarily a bad thing. If we were exactly the same that could be an issue too. I think this was the first time that he and I actually talked about how our feelings are going to come and go, and that we have to make a decision to commit to the relationship. After this conversation I felt a HUGE wave of relief! I even voiced my dislike of him calling me honey, which he said he would stop, but then I retracted as the thought of him not ever calling me honey was less desirable than hearing it sometimes. (I’m a crazy lady!)
The whole conversation pointed out a few important things to me. #1, communication is so important! The time that I just sat with my thoughts and let them fester was terrible! Communicating with Blake about my thoughts helped me to process them, and hearing my concerns and fears out loud made me realize that they were a little ridiculous. #2, differences are ok. So what if Blake was super tidy and I was super messy. So what if he seemed WAY more intellectual than me. So what if we were really different in some ways. Ultimately, we both loved Jesus and wanted to glorify Him, so the other differences were things that we could work though. The most important things that needed to be the same were the same, and that was enough. And finally #3, I was pretty certain after our talk that I was going to be with this guy for the long haul.
At the end of this “make or break” trip my nervousness, fears, and uncertainties were replaced with confidence, comfort, and trust in our relationship. Getting on the plane to fly back to NC was heart-breaking. It was settled in my mind that he was the one and having to separate from him for a time hurt. I cried all the way home, on both flights. (I’m sure I freaked some of my fellow fliers out!) When my best friends came and picked me up from the air port I was still a mess. Their first thoughts were that I had broken things off with Blake, but I was quick to tell them that was not the case! I missed him, and I was pretty sure that I was in love with him.
In the weeks ahead our feelings for each other and our commitment to our relationship deepened. We started having more serious discussions about our future and the next steps to take. It was a wonderful and exciting time! Soon Blake would come back out for a visit, and then I would travel out to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family.
More on that to come…